My two cents

What is up with all the speed traps in Regina Saskatchewan
Ok, I am all for making the roads safer, but the whole slow down speed up slow down happening in Regina is just crazy. Driving on one road it went from 70 to 50 to 60 back to 70 and this stretch of road was maybe 4 km. That is just madness. Now add to this they have speed cameras on every light. So this is not for safety it is to make money. When I was here last, at the schools they had the signs that flashed your speed when you were speeding. This I found very effective as it reminds you that you are entering a school zone. They have now been replaced with speed cameras which I think do not slow people down they just make the city money. Horrible. Just horrible governing. You are not working for the people you are working for the mighty dollar.
50 New Places 50 New activities
So I decided that this year I am going to strive to go to 50 new places and do 50 new things. So here is the list. Lets see how I go.
Places
1.Governer General’s House in Regina Saskatchewan
2. Mineral Spa in Moose Jaw Saskatchewan
3. Istanbul Turkey
4. Cyprus
5. Tulantongo Mexico
6.Puebla Mexico
Things
1. Discovered Crocheeing (Thanks Tamara for teaching me this craft) this is my number one new addiction
2. Hosting a Hula Hoop Retreat.  The PEI Hula Hoop Retreat is being put togeather right now and will be happening in August 2015.
3. Daily dancing. I have cheated on this on as I have already missed a few days. But I do have to say my days that start with a dance always seem to go better than the ones without.
4. Daily hula hooping. The above statement applies.
5. Hamami – Turkish Bath …Amazing!
6. The art of Improv workshop. (what a riot)
7. Co-writing a parody musical. This has just begun and already it is bring laughter into my life.
8. Burlesque shows. What a riot.
9. Going to the dentist in Mexico. I should have done this sooner.
The Demon Pigs

So I went to church with my parents today. I don’t do this very often but I am a bit glad today I did. This was the reading today. I wish I knew where it came from.

Jesus crossed the river to the next town where he found a man who was possessed by the devil. He was running around naked and talking nonsense. When the man saw Jesus coming he started begging Jesus to leave him alone. When Jesus asked the demon in the man who he was the man said he was Legion as he was filled with many demons. As Jesus was ridding the man of his many demons the demons begged Jesus to let them live in the herd of pigs in the field across the way. So (this is the part that made me laugh outloud) Jesus put the demons in the pigs. And the pigs being so horrified (and with more moral standards than humans I guess) they all flung themselves of the nearest cliff.

So now all the towns people were upset that all their pigs died that they and asked Jesus to leave. The saved man asked Jesus to take him with him across the river but Jesus said no you stay here and tell people what I did.

So from this story the preist tells us the reason for this story is that we should put someones soul before material things.

Then the basket comes around.

Ummm WHAT! 

So I am not sure if this is really a story out of the bible but…

If you believe in him …

I don’t think the Jesus would kill a bunch of pigs that the comunity was counting on for food when he could have just sent the demons to Hell.

I also think if he was teaching them to sacrifice material wealth that he would have asked them to make the sacrifice and not just stick them with it.

Why would he leave the fellow he helped with no tools in a comunity who will clearly blame the fellow for killing the pigs. The poor guy is totally set up to fail for the rest of his life.

And well what if the pigs turned into a killer gang of demon pigs. They jumped off a cliff yes but we all know demons have super power and don’t die from natural causes.

Did Sam and Dean have to go back in time and kill the terrifing demon pigs?

This story was so wacky.

The only way it could have possiblly made any sense at all was if it happened the same night Jesus turned water into wine so the party could keep going. So if he was hammered then maybe he thought putting the demons into pigs would be funny. Because stupid things are funny when you are hammered.

I had so many questions so while having coffee I had asked a couple of people what they thought of the story.

One answer facinated me. “I don’t really listen to the priest I just meditate”

Humm so I wonder if anyone but me heard this story. Maybe the Demon Pigs were speaking to me through a time bubble.

Poor little piggies.

I love to cycle in this grand city
It really is the best way to get around
I usually get to my destination quicker
I don’t need to go to the gym
It is all around a positive experienceThen it hits me
Like a brick wall
Sometimes almost knocking me off my ride
I feel completely violated
You
Pushing a piece of yourself into me
YouThen I see you
A piece of the puzzle
A piece of the problemLeaning with one hand against the brick wall
The other holding your most prized possession
And sometimes
Moaning a little with satisfactionI have heard the argument
it is
Pollution
or the smokers
Some blame it on the homeless
Sure they add to it as the managers and owners of the buildings in question will not share their space with them
But this is not the issue I wish to addressYou
leaning on the brick wall
In your shiny black shoes
That I am suppose to know the name of
And be impressed by
You in your fancy green suit
Made by a ritzy designer
That I am suppose to know the name of
And be impressed by
Choosing to exit the building
That offers its bathrooms to you
willingly
freely
You
choose to share your body’s garbage
With all of us passing byNow some have said
Being I am a woman
This rant is jealous based
And if I could I would
Some say it is a mans way to mark his territory
But I don’t see you pissing around your own perfectly manicured lawn or on top of you $540,000 carSome have compaired
The act of public urnation
To breast feeding
This doesn’t even deserve a reply
However…I do not have a problem with the act
No not at all
Do it if you must
Do it in the grass
Do it in the dirt
Do it in a cup or a bag and take it with youDon’t
do it on the side of a building to dry in the sunlight on top of the previous vistors liquid to mix and rot
The vapors left to crawl up into my nostrilsI hold my breath
Hoping
That when my lungs force me to inhale
I have passed through the place
You have left
Your mark 

July 15 2008

So people have been asking me what happened and well the story is quite unbelievable but I will relay it and you can do with it what you will.

I was in the bar where I work polishing glassware when an abnormally small man entered the bar with an angry look on his face. I offered him a beverage of his choice but he just glared “I’ve been watching you”

I am thinking “creepy fellow” but reply out loud “well I hope you have enjoyed the view” and smile. To which he has no response but to increase his scowl. I continue my polishing.

5 minutes later he says ” I know you have been to the land of milk and honey”

I am slightly taken aback by this comment but keep my cool responding
“I have no idea what you are talking about” But as I am not a very good lier I think my eyes gave me away.
“you know exactly what I am talking about and you are going to tell me where it is or I will cause you distress you cannot imagine.”

Now my nerves started to make me shake a bit. Who was this man how did he know about the Land of Milk and Honey and how could he possibly know I had been there. I started to fidget and talk a bit louder as I do when I am trying to change the subject quickly “are you sure you don’t want me to give you a drink?”

His expression never changed. “Just take me there or you will feel pain”

Well I knew I could tell him nothing Cassandra the fairy that had taken me to the Land of Milk and Honey made me promise that I would never tell anyone where they live as each time their location is compromised they had to move and the fairy that was involved with the revealing would be ban forever from entry into their realm.
It was such a wonderful place and Cass was so kind to invite me the day I needed them most. Over the years we had become great friends and there was no way a little pain would convince me to betray a friend in this way.

So I stopped shaking and found my nerve, as I continued to polish the glass I was holding I firmly said “I will never tell you where it is.”

The next moments happened so quickly the man crack the glass I was holding at the stem and shoved the broken end into my pinky finger.

He moved so swiftly that I don’t think any of my coworkers even saw him. They all thought I had been polishing a little to vigorously snapped the glass and it slipped into my pinky.

I let them believe this as I noticed that the little man had vanished.

The pain was so severe that I was uncontrollably yelling curses across the wine bar. I told one of my coworkers to grab the chef as he would know what needed to me done.

Mark (the chef) had a look at my finger “You could use a stitch or two. If you were one of my guys I would cauterize it for you… I can if you want… but you might want to go to emergency”

I declined the offer and grabbed my bag to walk up to emergency. It was only 4 blocks north of my bar. Elise offered to walk me up so we made our way. I felt a bit faint a couple times but I made it there.

On our arrival we were promptly flashed by a not so sane man holding a Macdonalds cup gently to his lips like it was a lover and bending over as his pant fell off his ass. This happened 5 times before we were admitted and he was offered a belt. Once I was checked in I told Elise I was fine and she could head back to work.

My hand was rewrapped by a nurse and 2 hours later I was sent to wait in a different room for another hour.

As the clock hit one the little man returned. “Are you ready to tell me where the Land of Milk and Honey is?”

“How did you get in here?” I said with shock and horror.
“I can come and go as I please” he said with a smirk of satisfaction.

Although I was terrified. My finger was throbbing and I knew he could move much faster than I,still I was unwilling to transpher my pain to my friend.
Once again he posed his question with a little more confidence this time.”Are you ready to tell me where the Land of Milk and Honey is?”

I let out a heavy sigh “no I am not”

he walked out the door and stood as a nervous looking doctor walked past the door stopped turned around slighly confused then grabbed my chart. “Ellen?” he whispered.
“yes” I replied
The little man once again vanished

“Unwrap your hand and I will have a look.” this was spoken with quite a timid voice that did not exude confidience. I thought I hear an evil cackle in the distance.

He had a look. I had a look. It was starting to look a bit blue to me. He asked me to discribe what had happened. I left out the part about the little man.

“Well we might have to xray as there may still be glass in the wound.”
the Doctor abruptly left and returned with another doctor who Cass followed in. She smiled at me and thanked me for not reveiling their new location. I just smiled. The little man then returned with more anger on his face than I had ever thought possible. Cass touched the new doctors arm and his eyes lit up a little. ” There is no need for xrays and we have 2 options for you one is stitches, the other is a special tape(to this Cass nodded) the tape will take longer to heal but will not hurt to apply and you will not need to return to have it removed.”

My heart was warmed by her efforts to ease my pain but alas this was a mute point. “I have to play guitar on Tuesday…would this tape hold?”

“There is a possiblity it will not” the doctor replyed abrubtly as Cass removed her hand sadly shaking her head.
The little mans evil grin returned as he realized his plan was to be carried out.
Cass leaned over and whispered to me “Thanks for being strong so far…I will not hold it against you if you don’t make it.” then she looked at the little man and frowned “Lex you are a cruel fairy”
She floated out of the room and the experienced doctor followed.

He was a fairy too, why didn’t I realize this… he must have been banished because his human revealed the location. Well at least I know what I am up against.

The nervous doctor started to gathering his tools and clanging them about. He put on a pair of rubber gloves then realizing he had forgot something took them off and left the room. Lex had a look of satisfaction. “This can be an easy experience or difficult you choose. You have 3 chances.”

“Do your worst” my voice so soft I could not hear myself.

The doctor came back with a needle “this is going to hurt” he said.
then Lex added “yes, yes it is”

The first needle entered the base of my finger and the pain filled my whole hand.
“Tell me where the Land of Milk and Honey is”

The second needle also entered at the base of the hand on the opposite side and the pain shot up my arm.
“Tell me where the Land of Milk and Honey is” Lex yelled this time and was turning a bit red

“This one will hurt a bit more” The doctors voice was quivereing.
The needle went into my wound and the pain shot through my whole body. My back came off the table my feet curled up tears fell from my closed eyes and I could not help but cry “Holy Crap”

“Tell me where the Land of Milk and Honey is” Lex screamed for a 3rd and final time, to which I replied “No” in an equally loud scream shocking the already nervous doctor.

Lex had vanished once again and the doctor waited for the freezing to set in. He was so flustered it took him 30 minutes to put in 8 stitches. When finished there was all my blood on the table and very little left in my hand. But I had endured and Cass and her family’s secret location was safe with me.

As I walked back to work a woman on the street shouted at me “Why did you do it, tell me why.”

I looked at my finger… I guess I should pay attention more to what I am doing.

Side note:
Lex is still looking for the road back to the Land of Milk and Honey be careful of short scowling dudes they might be banished fairies.

ps This tale is loosely based on a true story. I did stab my hand with a wine glass, I was flashed at the hospital, by the crazy macD’s guy and the doctor was new and took forever. There is no such thing as fairies. Silly.

Happiness is a choice